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Testing
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/article/testing_365304.html
Today, it’s my second week at work. I received a phone call from corporate HQ that they wanted to make our monitors wireless, so they wanted me to cut the red wire from the main monitors. I did so, and my boss walks in, furious. Turns out it was a set up to see if I’m “that gullible.” Yes, I was fired. FML
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/article/testing_365304.html
Landlords gonna landlord
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/article/landlords-gonna-landlord_365292.html
Today, after a year of moving to a new country, getting our kids settled into the new education system, and our commutes sorted, our landlord notified us that he needs the house back for his son. There are no similar rentals or properties for sale in the region. We have to start over somewhere else. FML
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Pick me
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/article/pick-me_155012.html
Today, I made a Facebook under a guy"s name and I"m sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML
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Inappropriate question
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/article/inappropriate-question_365956.html
Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML
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McSteamy
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Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad"s car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom"s car as she and dad were returning from my grandma"s house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
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Still waiting on Q
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/article/still-waiting-on-q_365396.html
Today, I’m married to a man who thought Trump had several good ideas but just went about it the wrong way, but he’s sure he’ll do better next time when he takes the White House back from Biden. FML
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Daddy"s girl
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/article/daddy-s-girl_365182.html
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, a month after I"d proposed and she"d said yes. When asked why all of the sudden, she said her family disapproved of me, and I wasn"t worth fighting for and potentially losing her father"s love. FML
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Happy Nothing
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/article/happy-nothing_365231.html
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML
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Mixup
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/article/mixup_365124.html
Today, I had to Doordash lunch, due to an important work meeting in another timezone running incredibly long. I was trying to play it cool but I was starving. Finally, I get the notification that the food had been dropped off. I looked at the picture: it was delivered to my house instead of my office. FML
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Insulate Britain at it again
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/article/insulate-britain-at-it-again_365236.html
Today, thanks to protestors blocking the M25, I missed the only job interview I’ve been invited to in 10 months. FML
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Dress up
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/article/dress-up_365581.html
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I"d "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn"t get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I"m wearing your shorts." FML
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How do I put it?
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/article/how-do-i-put-it_146869.html
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E," I replied. Without missing a beat, she says, "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She"s 16. FML
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/article/how-do-i-put-it_146869.html
Take the L, dude
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/article/take-the-l-dude_365614.html
Today, I was going through different social media sites, laughing at the people from high school who’d either gotten fat or divorced or anything of the sort. Then I realized how sad it was to search out and still laugh at people from high school. I need to move on. FML
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/article/take-the-l-dude_365614.html
Cough up
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/article/cough-up_365921.html
Today, I dinged my boss"s very expensive car. My car wasn’t damaged, so in a panic, I moved my car to another spot and said nothing. Less than an hour later, my boss showed me high definition security footage, so now I either cough up repair money I can’t afford, or I get fired. FML
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Leave me alone!
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/article/leave-me-alone_366098.html
Today, I got my 11-year old son the NERF Elite 2.0 Shockwave RD-15 Blaster that he has been begging for as his birthday gift. Guess who the primary target is. FML
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/article/leave-me-alone_366098.html
Multiusage
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/article/multiusage_366148.html
Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML
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Thruple
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/article/thruple_365123.html
Today, it was insinuated that my only other female co-worker is seeing the guy I"m seeing. He bashes her all the time to me, too. Now, I wonder what he says about me, to her. FML
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/article/thruple_365123.html
Nice guy
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/article/nice-guy_365148.html
Today, after an entire week of doing all the household chores, and feeling under appreciated, I suggested to my boyfriend that we go on a date night, to feel a little more connected. He has spent all day trying to get out of it. I offered to pay, because I just want to feel loved again. FML
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Tom Cruise
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/article/tom-cruise_365160.html
Today, my wife and I are moving cross-country. At a rest stop, my wife complained of foot pain. I said, "Use your cruise control" and she replied "What"s that?" I spent the next 10 mins teaching my 30-year-old wife what cruise control is, how it works, and how it differs from Tesla"s autopilot. FML
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Don"t hate the player
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/article/don-t-hate-the-player_365062.html
Today, what was supposed to be a confession of feelings and a "one night stand, never talk about this again" with my best friend of 13 years turned out to be a positive pregnancy test from her. My wife is not gonna be happy. FML
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Intervention
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Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML
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Disappointing
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Today, I realized that just because he danced with you, groped you, and told you he wants to sleep with you, doesn"t mean that he likes you and won"t leave you on "delivered" for days. FML
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/article/disappointing_365646.html
Jump scare
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/article/jump-scare_365406.html
Today, I saw a bat in a cabinet. I slammed the cabinet as hard as I could, which knocked the bat off the door and got its head stuck between the two doors, decapitating it. Its two beady eyes were judging me. I haven"t even had my coffee yet. FML
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A nightmare
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/article/a-nightmare_365477.html
Today, at 4.20 a.m., I"m awake, scrolling through this app for no reason other than to procrastinate going to sleep and having to deal with yet more inevitable nightmares and weird dreams. FML
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Leave it to the pros
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/article/leave-it-to-the-pros_365478.html
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I"m starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
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Bad womens" anatomy
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/article/bad-womens-anatomy_365734.html
Today, I found out I’m going through early menopause. My husband was finally ready to have a baby, after years of debate and saying he’s not ready. I warned him my ovaries wouldn’t hold out forever. He seems shocked that menopause happens to all women and is irreversible. FML
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Young love
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Today, I overheard my wife telling our daughter that getting married young is like a “long, slow, painful dream-killing death, played out over decades.” We got married when I was 18 and she was 17. FML
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Sleepless in Saskatoon
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/article/sleepless-in-saskatoon_365765.html
Today, I was let go from a position that I spent 11 years pouring my heart into. I was fired for ranting in an group chat, after getting 37 minutes of sleep in two days. FML
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This Is Us
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/article/this-is-us_365885.html
Today, I located my birth dad and asked him why I was put into care. Turns out my mom died, and since he hadn’t wanted me in the first place, he just gave me away and hoped to never see me again. He didn’t even invite me in, he threw a beer at me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. FML
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It"s a conspiracy!
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/article/it-s-a-conspiracy_143727.html
Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML
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Shopping
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Awkward
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Smells
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Painful
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My ex
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Intimacy
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Relatable
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Depression
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Mental health
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Neighbours
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Capitalism
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You"re fired
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Animals
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Babies
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Parents
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Accident
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Transportation
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Jealousy
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Religion
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Pregnancy
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Today, after years of reading FML, I finally had a story to share. I excitedly moderated through the other FMLs, only to see mine and realize it"s garbage. I voted "no" on my own FML and hope it doesn"t get published. FML
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Today, I realised I have used this website to scroll myself to sleep pretty much every night for half my life. I’m a 31 year-old mum of two. FML
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See all the Nearly FMLs
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Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML
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/article/inappropriate-question_365956.html
Today, what was supposed to be a confession of feelings and a "one night stand, never talk about this again" with my best friend of 13 years turned out to be a positive pregnancy test from her. My wife is not gonna be happy. FML
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See all the Spicy FMLs
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